Part I.
I woke up in a cold sweat. I ran my hand down my chest and panted for breath. I looked to my left and saw that my bed was empty - save for my cat. He quietly meowed and looked up at me with loving eyes. Ah, my one true friend, always there by my side when I needed someone to hold.
I lightly stroked his fur as I looked over at my alarm clock. 5:24 am. God, how revolting. Waking up before the crack of noon is not a task that I enjoy. I stretched my arms and yawned silently as I was thinking of what today would bring. This was the day that my parents were shipping me out to an all-boys' academy. They seemed to have this idea that the Academy would cure me of my problems. I didn't think that I had any, but my parents disagreed.
I bent down to kiss my kitty gently on his head and then lay down to go back to sleep. Before I knew it, I was in a new land. Free from my bastard father. Free from my weak little mother. Away from the quaint ideas of their Baptist upbringing. I was floating in the air, free as a bird. My arms were outstretched as the wind tossed through my dark-brown hair. I occasionally had to close my eyes so they wouldn't be burned by the wind's incessant beating. I looked below me and saw a mountain as brown as the purest earth, and below that, a valley as green as a farmer's wildest fantasy.
I swooped down to this land. I wanted to be here. This is where I belong. As I swooped down, I saw a beautiful hand reaching out to me. It wanted me. I was not an outcast; I was one with this hand. I reached out, like God to Adam in the Sistine Chapel, and as our fingers met - Fire trucks whooshed by. I shook my head as my weary eyes opened and looked at my alarm. Damn. I had set my clock to awake me with the sound of the French police instead of the radio starting. Oh well. I stretched and turned off the alarm. My kitty was still by my side. I doubt he'd moved the entire night.
I stretched my legs and let out an audible yawn and my feet made contact with the ground. I stood up, my six-foot-three-inch frame still asleep. I clumsily walked over to the mirror and looked at myself. I winced. I hated looking at myself. I have always thought of myself as unattractive, and the morning cowlick did no good. I shook my head and grabbed a comb, trying to do something with my tufts of unruly hair.
After I had made some semblance of sanity with my hair, I decided to hit the shower. Today would be the day my life would change forever. I might as well face it with dignity. I put my comb back on my dresser and slowly walked to the bathroom.
I closed and locked the door behind me. Of course, before me was another mirror. Lovely. I shook my head and looked down at my boxers, my only article of clothing. I hooked my thumbs inside of them, parallel to my hips, and in one gracious moment slipped the boxers to my ankles. I noticed that beneath my thick, black pubic bush, I was becoming aroused. I don't know why. There certainly wasn't anything to be aroused about while alone in a bathroom. I laughed silently to myself and started the water for my shower.
The water was very cold at first, so I sat adjacent to the tub, waiting for the water to heat. As I lay there, I again saw the vision from my dream. My hand reached forward to become One with his, and as we touched, he pulled me to the ground. His fair hair danced in the wind. I wanted to look at his face, but it seemed almost as if it wasn't - God, that water was burning my hand. I pulled it away quickly and cooled the water, along with my hand. When the water was a humane temperature again, I started my shower.
I turned around as I stepped into the shower, and wet my hair. Droplets of water dripped onto my chest, causing my nipples to become erect. I looked down and noticed that my penis was yet again erect. As it was noted later to me, my chest was like a face, in a sick sort of way. My nickel size red nipples constituted the eyes. The hair that started between and around the nipples went down my chest and spread out, so that it made the illusion of a nose. And my "innie" belly button made the supposed mouth.
I looked at my raging erection and supposed that I should take care of it, lest it should cause me more grief as I was on my way to the Academy. I grabbed my prick and squeezed it gently while rubbing it up and down. I moaned softly to myself. With my other hand, I cupped my above-average size testicles and rubbed them. Then I began to viciously stroke my hard cock up and down while my other hand squeezed my nipples and rubbed my chest. I was breathing heavily at this point while the water splattered against my back. One of my greatest fantasies was being in the shower with a man I love dearly. I closed my eyes and pictured my fair-headed apparition as my hand squeezed my throbbing eight inch penis and stroked it faster and faster.
My goal was not to have a long masturbation session, but a quick one so I could finish what I needed to do. I imagined my fair-headed vision looking at me and kissing me lovingly on the lips, and then turning around to get on all fours. I imagined myself looking confused at him, and then grasping his plan as I grabbed his smooth ass and ran my hand over it. Then I spread him and slowly pressed myself into him - I moaned loudly as I ejaculated into the shower water, and down the drain. I kept jerking my penis as I ejaculated at least five spurts into the water. As I was panting and regaining consciousness, there was a loud knock on the door. "God damn it boy, we all gots to shower! Hurry your sorry queer ass up!" Soon after that, I heard the sound of feet stomping away. I smirked to myself thinking, my, how I love this family.
I soon finished my shower and dressed myself. I hauled out my suitcase as I prepared for the first real move in my life. Goodbye, friends. GOODBYE PARENTS!
Part II.
I groaned as I loaded the final suitcase into the back of the van. Now I know why moving men must hate their jobs. God, all that crap was heavy and clumsy. I slammed down the back door to the van and walked to the sliding door on the side. I opened it and felt the cool air-conditioning hit my sweat-plagued face. I let out a quiet sigh and was met with my father's gracious voice. "Get the hell in here, queer ass. You're wasting my gas and my freon!" I jumped into the van and shut the door.
Quietly, the van backed out of the driveway. I could feel it shift into drive and then gradually gain speed as it made its way onto the highway. I glanced at the van's clock. 11:53 am. Enough time to get me there by two and send me to the "counselor." I shook my head. How on earth did I get here?
It started just a month ago. I wasn't careful enough. My parents are devout Southern Baptists - why didn't I think? I had known that I was gay since who knows when. But in my home, you had to fit the standards. You had to be straight. You had to be a Baptist. You had to be republican. It's like that line from South Pacific's "You've Got To Be Carefully Taught," "...you've got to be taught before it's too late / Before you are six or seven or eight / To hate all the people your relatives hate..." All too fitting.
Needless to say, someone who was alternative like me would not fit into what my parents considered holy. One day while my father and I were in this very van, I decided to blurt out, "I'm gay, you know." I don't think it was taken very well. They took me to a therapist, hoping to cure my ailments. After a few months of this, they found the results to be ineffective. I believe it also had to do with spreading rumors in our town. So they decided to send me to the "most prestigious boys' school in North America," the Glenville Shaw Academy For Boys.
I looked out the window and watched the deforestation of America pass me by. Miles and miles of chain-link fences with signs of poor grammar and spelling, letting all trespassers know that their presence would cause a mêlée. I guess it is over. My secret is out, and now I am to be punished for being me. Not that I should expect less from my wonderful parents.
"Now listen here, queenie. They gots counselors at this school, so they'll fix you right up. Make you like the rest of them straight-A kids at the Academy," my father said, interrupting my daydream.
"It's too bad they don't have speech therapists." I mumbled. My father turned around to face me, almost hitting a car. He swerved out of the other car's lane, honked at them for being in his way, and continued on even more gracefully so by flipping the other driver off.
"What the hell you say, boy?" He glared at me, showing me that he was the "man."
"Nothing, sir," I replied. Bastard.
I sat there in silence thereafter, thinking about the peace and quiet the Academy would afford me. Serenity... what a perfect thought. I closed my eyes and slept as the sand drifted down the hourglass of time. I opened my eyes to see new scenery. The earth was a purer reddish brown; the grass greener. I noticed that father had turned off the air-conditioning and had the windows open. I inhaled a deep breath of air. I could smell it. Freedom. In a blink, we were before the gates of the Academy.
The metal of the gates was designed in a Renaissance fashion, curling artfully until it was no more. The clean forest green color seemed to accentuate the Academy's illustrious beauty. My father was leaning out his window and speaking to a guardsman. He soon sat upright in his chair again. Silently and gracefully, the gates opened, and my father drove the van over the clear-black pavement.
My father followed the path quickly. He wanted to be rid of me; I could sense it. How one could hate their own child so is beyond me. I looked out my window to the right and saw the cardinal-red brick of the student dormitories. The dormitories were three stories tall, and had windows so clear that they reflected the afternoon sun too perfectly, and were hurting my eyes. I squinted my eyes as I saw a group of boys huddled together, sharing a joke or secret together. About twenty feet from them was a black woman of medium height standing in front of something. I saw a cane shoot out from the side of her. I smiled to myself as I felt the van pull into a driveway.
The van stopped, and I heard the death of the van's sputtering as my father turned off the ignition. Soon sounded the familiar click! of the back door of the van. I opened the sliding door and jumped out. As I jumped out, I met face-to-face with what I swore was a mortician. "Good afternoon, young man, and welcome to the Academy," he said, in an almost dramatic fashion, his right hand stretching out and pointing to it. His voice sounded like Sir Richard Attenborough saying, "Welcome to Jurassic Park" without the English accent. The old man smiled a goofy smile and said, "I am the dean here. My name is Dennis Mordrin. And yours is?" I told him my name and he smiled, looking at my father. "Well Mr. Dowling," Mr. Mordrin said to my father, "I am sure your son will enjoy his time here. Now, let's get him unpacked."
I unloaded all of my things from the van, and my father zoomed off into the sunset. Mr. Mordrin laughed to himself, shaking his head, and took me to my room. My room was on the third story of the dormitory that my father had parked beside; it was small, but livable. Mr. Mordrin watched as I made my bed. When I was done, I put my comforter on top of it and sat down. All that was missing was my kitty. I smiled and wished he was here now. I looked up, and Mr. Mordrin was still standing in the doorway. His face wrinkled even more as he cracked a painful smile. "You've missed lunch," he said, breaking the silence, "and your class schedule will be posted outside your door tomorrow morning..." he trailed off.
I looked at him curiously. What did he want? Mr. Mordrin's old brown eyes seemed to have a spark go off in them as he recalled his thought. "..it will be there in the morning, so you have the rest of the day to yourself. And remember, my office is always welcome to willing visitors. If you want to talk.. I'm there." He smiled, and turned to leave, but stayed there a moment longer before finally leaving. He seemed to have something on his mind, but was afraid to say it. I shook my head, emptying this odd exchange from my head, and proceeded to unpack my things.
After the room was unpacked, I lay down on the bed with a satisfied smile. Here I was in my new home, and it was me. I had unpacked my computer and books, and had put my CD of Mendelssohn's Songs Without Words into my CD-ROM drive. The melody silently sang to me as I rested. I was again in that strange land of my dreams. My fair-headed apparition was skipping away into a Roman-style building, beckoning for me to follow. I followed him, and we ran into a room accented by an enormous fountain. It seemed to go up and up; its peak hit the ceiling. I took his hand, and we ran under the fountain.
I gasped as I awoke. God, I always wake up when it gets good! I shook my head and stood up, looking at my alarm clock. 3:52 p.m. Had I been here that short of a time? I opened my door and walked into the hallway. A doorway on the end of my hall was ajar, and I saw light emitting from it. I slowly crept to the door and peaked in. I am not usually a voyeur, but on my previous look at this hallway, I thought I was the only one here. I looked in and could clearly see everything...
A tall, medium built boy, wearing an athletic T-shirt and tight-fitting yellow soccer shorts with a green band on the bottom, sat on a bed next to a young, quiet, but very cute boy. "I thought you wanted to study Biology, Tommy," the young boy said, looking at the more heavily built one. Tommy looked at his young friend and grinned, unbuttoning the boy's striped polo shirt. "Jamie, I do. But I won't need books for it," Tommy said, winking.
"Why are we even in this old room? They never use this floor anymore... except for special kids.. or kids who are thrown in at the last minute," Jamie interjected.
"Exactly," said Tommy. "I'm going to give you something now, Jamie. Something many have dreamed of... but few have had." Tommy slowly stripped off his T-shirt, showing off his muscles to Jamie. Jamie merely slip back further on the bed that they were occupying and gasped. He unconsciously spread his legs. "Do you want me, Jamie?" teased Tommy. "Do you want this?" Tommy continued, indicating his crotch. Jamie merely whispered Tommy's name in reply. Tommy pulled off Jamie's shirt, reveling a skinny frame, which didn't seem to bother Tommy in the least. He removed Jamie's shorts and bent down to Jamie's ear, whispering, "Fuck me!" Tommy then embraced Jamie and thrust his tongue down Jamie's throat. Jamie held Tommy tighter, and his seemingly experienced hands found their way to his muscular friend's bottom, and he squeezed. Tommy ended the kiss and turned around, almost ripping off his shorts.
Jamie moved behind Tommy and spread his jock ass. His pressed his finger in, and thrust his hips forwards. Jamie leaned forward and squeezed Tommy's pectoral muscles as he thrust himself into Tommy. Tommy panted in pleasure and said, "You are as big as I thought." Jamie moaned in response.
I pulled my face from the door. This is a very interesting school indeed. I crept back to my room and decided to relieve my throbbing penis before I made them aware of my presence. I couldn't wait until tomorrow.
Part III.
Apparently, Mr. Dennis Mordrin couldn't wait until morning to give me my schedule. Around 7 p.m., he burst into the room, wearing a pastel suit. It certainly wasn't his color, and he looked like he had teleported directly from the seventies. I shut down my computer and turned to greet him. "Why Mr. Mordrin..." I started, but was cut off.
"Call me Dennis," he said cheerfully. He stared deeply into my eyes. It was as if he were searching my soul for some beacon, and my eyes were the key. His mud-brown eyes momentarily shifted to the carpetless floor and then met my blue eyes again. "You haven't had dinner," he stated rather than asked, "So you must join me." He removed his pastel blue sportcoat. He caught me looking at it. "It's not quite me, is it?" he asked, cackling. I said nothing, but looked the other way. "Anyway," he said, "let's get to it!" I stood up and followed him out the door.
He picked up something leaning against the doorframe which I had not noticed earlier. It was a dark-brown cane. I noticed that it had two grooves on it, as if something were to fit inside of it. He looked at me and smiled as I begrudgingly followed him out the door. We walked down the stairs of the dorm and out the door. As we walked out, the crickets softly chirped their sweet nighttime song. We walked through the same parking lot that spelled my earlier freedom, I heard a voice in the darkness call out, "Lara!" I tried to find out where this voice came from, but Mordrin tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to his car.
I sighed, shrugged and followed him to his black, rusty Dodge Shadow. I got into the passenger side seat as he started the car. We went to a local Italian restaurant and ate a quiet dinner. All throughout the meal, he kept looking deep into my eyes, as if he were searching for something that wasn't there. His pudgy wrinkled fingers came dangerously close to my own on more than one occasion. I just laughed nervously when he did so.
After about an hour of supping, Dennis, as he asked me to call him, smiled and started to speak. "So tell me, my young friend... why have you applied here in the middle of the semester?" His chubby fingers folded together, like a bird of prey moments from attacking its victim.
"My father thought is best," I quickly replied. Dennis laughed to himself and nodded. "I see. But why now.. and here? You live over a hundred miles away, don't you?"
"Yes, I do, sir. But he chose The Academy because it is one of the best."
"And didn't you have any part in this decision?"
I exhaled softly and said, "Not really."
"Ah, I see," he said, hesitating. "You see, here we like to.. make men out of boys." His pudgy snow white hands were sliding towards my own.
"You know, Mr. Mordrin," I said, my hands sliding away from his, "it's getting late. I should get to bed. I wouldn't want to be late for my first day of class."
"No," he said, smirking, "that would be a pity if you were tardy." I looked into his eyes and no longer saw anything human in them. He seemed to be the eyes of a hunter moments from its prey. "But.. surely you could come to my private office for a nice.. chat." My eyes widened with concern. Why was he doing this? Suddenly, his pager loudly chirped its incessant beep. He seemed to break out of his trance, the human intelligence returning to his eyes. "So, can I go back to my room, now?" I asked pleadingly. He agreed, and we returned to his Dodge Shadow. The next day, my alarm went off at 6:30 am. I got up, bathed in my vacant shower, and went off to class.
My morning classes were uneventful. First was English. Of course. We can't have a "wake up" class in the morning; no. We have to jump right into Honors English. FUN FUN FUN! Honestly though, English is a relatively simple class for me. Grammar comes quite naturally to me. I'm not perfect: I will admit that any day. But I am fairly good at it. Next came Geometry. I have no comment whatsoever about that. Finally, there was Speech. Oh, le joie de vivre. My teacher was one who loves to hear herself talk. She had a slight rasp in her voice. As the class was nearing its end, her voice was still trailing on. Her voice was very irritating, too. Her attitude screamed Giant Bitch! and when she spoke I just wish she'd clear her throat so she could speak normally. God.
"And so, you will be doing five total speeches in this class: one panel discussion, one informative, one inspirational, one persuasive, and one group review. It's going to be fun.. Well, I'm not going to lie to you. I'm the most difficult speech teacher in this school, and I'm going to make your lives hell." She glanced at her watch and continued, "Well, that's all the time we have. Have a pleasant afternoon. You'll need it." We wearily exited the class and went outside, as it was almost noon, which is lunchtime.
The high clock struck noon. The sun was gently dripping its rays upon my skin. It was a gorgeous day, and I felt no pangs of hunger, yet some strange force was driving me towards the cafeteria. Even though I had no idea where it was, the hundreds of bodies walking like sheep being herded to pasture gave me a slight clue. I waited in line for my lunch, and made my way to the tables. This is one thing I hate about new places - you know no one, so you're not likely to find a seat. I passed by an average-looking guy who looked somewhat familiar. He put his hand on my shoulder. I knew it instantly - very friendly, but a jock nonetheless. He smiled at me kindly. "So you're the new guy," he started, rather than asking. I smiled bashfully and admitted to my horrid crime, telling him my name.
"Well Ben," he said, "welcome to Shaw Academy. My name's Tommy, by the way." He graciously permitted me to sit next to him. I wasn't shocked to see his friends wearing blazers with the letters GSA, Glenville Shaw Academy, on them. A soft voice behind us said, "See you later, Tommy." Tommy replied, "Yeah. Later, Jamie."
As my newfound friend began to socialize with his little clique, my eyes shot to the far corner of the room. Two tables were occupied, but all tables surrounding them were vacant. How odd, I thought.
My friend awoke me by mentioning my name. I looked at him and noticed that he and his friends were staring at me. "So this is the new dude." He smiled kindly, and started pointing around the table. "This is Dan Vishosone. He's center of the football team." Dan has light-brown hair, and a thin, slanted nose. I know little of football, but his medium-built body seemed unfit for his sport. He had a few pimples here and there, but looked relatively healthy. I looked into his dark-brown eyes and saw a rage, a fire that seemingly had no spark. Looking at him make me feel uncomfortable.
Part IV.
After he had finished introducing me to everyone, Tommy and his friends began to converse with each other, forgetting me. I quickly finished my meal, disposed of what was left, and walked over to the vacant part of the cafeteria. An African American woman with shoulder-length hair that curled at the very bottom passed by me, whistling a happy tune.
As I approached the vacant tables, I realized why they were so. This was where the "special needs" students sat. Being ostracized was not an unfamiliar social condition for me. There were two tables for the special needs students. To the left was a chubby boy in a wheel chair. His hair was black and curly, and his square-framed glasses kept slipping down his sweaty, pudgy nose. His helper said, "Now Mike, you've had enough food. You know your parents want you to lose weight." Mike looked at his helper with pure loathing hatred in his eyes and stuck up his middle finger at her. She just sighed and shook her head.
To the right was another table. Apparently, the helper was missing from this table. I looked on to see the most beautiful face I had ever seen. But I didn't understand why he was in the special needs area. He was perfect. He was my vision of Adonis.. the man from my dreams.. but with red hair instead of the fair-blonde I had seen. His hair was bright, clean and smooth. Its color was the example by which hair stylists should use when dying hair. It was absolutely gorgeous. I wanted to run my fingers through its silky texture and breathe it in. His nose was long, but not too long, and thin, but not too thin. And his lips... they were sensual. They were built to be kissed. His face was smooth oval, perfect in every detail.
I let out an audible sigh, and he turned around. Damn. Caught red-handed. He folded his arms, and said in a crisp British accent, "Well, stop gawking so and step forward. Say what you are going to say and be done with it." God, everything about him was so wonderful. And that accent... just gorgeous. "Well, what do you want," he asked in a very irritated voice.
I stammered, "I.. I ... I just saw you across the cafeteria.."
"Thanks for sharing," he interrupted.
"And I wanted to say hello." I paused, and he sighed. "Look, I'm sorry, ok? I'm just new here, and I was looking around..."
"And you just happened to stare at the circus midgets over here?" He sighed again and said, "I've lived most of my life like this, so I could care less. But I don't need people like you to point out my problems. I really, really hate people like you." I winced. "Your sword dipped in honey still cuts. Now go back to your friends and.. laugh, laugh, laugh!" I thought I was going to die. I had committed some mortal crime that I didn't know of. What had I done to him? Suddenly, the African American woman that I had seen earlier ran up to this Adonis. She looked at me accusingly and turned back to him.
"Devon, are you all right?" she asked, panicked. Devon stood up, his gorgeous hair reflecting in the light.
"I'm just dandy. I think I've been a freak show here long enough, though. Give me my stick." She handed him a stick with white tape curling around it. They left together. I swallowed my breath, and gasped as I felt a hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, Dowling.. Ben.. what are you doing over here?" I turned to look at Tommy's ever-pleasant face. I looked at him and shrugged. "Just checking the place out," I replied.
"Well the freak show isn't much to check out. Come back with us.. There's still about ten minutes. Oh yeah.. where's your dorm?"
"Oh, it's the third floor of the Snyder building," I said. Tommy's face turned white.
"The... third... floor?" he asked, looking very scared. "Were you there... last.. night?" I had to stop myself from giggling.
"Why, did I miss something? A social activity or something?" I asked, straightfaced. Tommy just shook his head.
"Let's get back to the table...." A few minutes later, the bell rang, and the sheep were again herded out to pasture.
Part V.
After lunch, I had World History. I sat in the middle of class. As I got there, I looked toward the back of the class. There in the last seat was what looked like a 14 year old boy. However, I could tell that he was older than that: his face had several untidy whiskers sprouting out everywhere. He noticed me looking at him and started yelling at me. "What the hell is your problem? What are you looking at?" He then sighed, saying, "Jesus Christ." I noticed that Tommy shared this class with me. He came over near my seat and laughed.
"Don't worry about him," Tommy said. "That's Anthony... pure Italian. And the A in his name is for attitude. Basically, his dad left his mom after 20 years or something, and is bangin' some Jewish chick."
"Fuck you, asshole!" Anthony exclaimed.
"And how is Torah girl?" Tommy teased.
"God damn asshole!" Anthony got up and looked like he was about to instigate a fight, but decided to sit down. What a fight it would have been. Tommy was tall and had a medium build, while Anthony was about 5'8" and 120 pounds. I shook my head and smiled as the teacher walked in. The teacher was about my height - 6'3". He was of average weight. He had dark-brown hair and an unending smile. He just screamed le joie de vivre! He couldn't have been much older than I; perhaps he was in his late twenties or early thirties.
"Well class," he said as he set his briefcase on his desk, "it seems as though we have a new face." He was looking at me. God, he wanted me to introduce myself. I hate doing that. I sighed in embarrassment. He motioned me to stand up. I shook my head and did so. "Tell us about yourself."
"Well, my name is Ben Dowling. And I transferred here last night. I'm seventeen." I shrugged in disinterest and sat down. The teacher nodded as men do when they are too lazy to just say "hello" or "fine." I hate that! The teacher continued the class. William the Conqueror. The Battle of Hastings. Blah blah blah. Sands slowly sifted through the hourglass of time. Minutes before class ended, I noticed a short blonde-headed boy leaning against the doorway. The teacher noticed him. "What do you want, Jamie?" he asked, irritated.
"Sorry, Mr. Jakles. I just was waiting for.." he glanced at Tommy, and paused. "..waiting for someone." Mr. Jackles shook his head and smiled.
"Kids," was all he said. At that moment, the bell rang. We exited from class. Tommy was behind me and about to join his jock friends as I stopped him. Before me was my Adonis. He stood in the hall. He seemed to be stumbling forward, as he swung his stick around himself in a circular motion continually. Next to him was a black woman. She seemed to be attempting to help him, but it was obvious that he would have none of that. She persisted, though. Something occurred to me as I stared at this gift from above: he was blind.
"Tommy.. who is that?" I asked, not hiding the love in my voice very well.
"What, the freak? That's Devon, the blind mouse.. heh.. And Lara, indentured servant." I watched Devon a little longer, and the next thing I knew, Tommy had run off. I smiled and went back to my dorm, as my classes were done for the day.
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(as told by Devon)
Lara was being such a pain in the ass. I know, I know. I couldn't make it without her. She's always helping me, but since I'd come to realize that I was gay, she'd become even more to me. But who would want some blind freak? Gay, straight, whatever. I guess that's why my parents put me here. They didn't want to deal with some burden. Well, maybe Lara wasn't really being a pain in the ass. Maybe it was just because I was upset over that voice. I don't know why I get so upset. It's not like being ridiculed was something new. It happens everyday. I guess if the voice were some cruel, soulless being, I wouldn't mind. But the voice was so soft and kind. It almost sounded sincere. But who would want a blind circus freak like me? Of course when you're compared with Mike, that spoiled little fat fuck... I would call myself a freak. Oh well. It was another day at Glenville Shaw.
Another day with my teachers treating me like a frigging porcelain doll. As if Lara wasn't enough! But a strange event happened in my advanced Braille class. Mr. Mordrin, that disturbing principal came in. I could hear his cane approaching. It really disturbs me when I think about that cane. He probably has a belt inside it. That's what it sounds like.. moving from side to side, just waiting for a victim. So he came in and told me to avoid strangers. The nerve!
So anyway, I had finished my Braille class and was walking down the hallway. All I could hear was noise. Thousands of pointless conversations. Feet running, people blowing their noses, people belching as loudly as possible for attention, lockers clicking open, and people banging them when they wouldn't open... it was a cacophony. Lara was trying to grab my arm so she could guide me through the hall - as if I were some sort of lost lamb! Hmph! I may be blind, but I'm not helpless! But she never listens. I think she descended directly from Rosa Parks: she won't take no for an answer. Suddenly, I hear her gasp. I asked her what the problem is. She says, "It's that boy... and he's staring at you." I had by this time lost interest in him in particular, but had become moody overall. But I decided to placate her, so I asked what he looked like. Fat no doubt... a fat jock who plays football and listens to acid rock and drinks Friday, pukes Saturday. But her response was quite different. "Well... he is tall... you're what, five-foot-nine?" Offended, I reminded her that I was exactly five feet and ten and one-half inches. She laughed, excusing herself. You could never really be mad at that woman. No, that would be too easy! "Well, Mr. Five Foot Ten and a half, he's about six feet.. no, taller... but he's a scrawny fellow.. like you, but without the biceps.. And he's got big feet.. you know what THAT means!" She jabbed me jokingly. I told her that it meant he has big shoes. "That too. It also means he is way hun.. ummm... never mind. Damn, boy. I think he has it for you or something."
"Stop teasing me!" I said. I hated it when she joked like that. And that description didn't sound bad. It's times like these that I wish I could see again.. just to know what he looked like. I wanted to experience it myself, not through someone else. But that day will never come. Anyway, I went back to my room... third floor (freak floor, that is!) in the Andrews Building. I rested for a while.
Later, I got up and made my way to the computer. I sat down, and spoke into the microphone: "Time." The computer read out "Six - Fifty - Five." Great. I decided to walk out to the lake and sit in the loveseat. I liked to sit by the lake and feel the breeze on my legs and listen to the swans honk and jump into the water. Such a pleasant sound.
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Devon's soft red hair shone in the moonlight. He was sitting in a redwood love seat suspended in the air by a thick chain. Behind him was a placid pond with a few Canadian Geese swimming to and fro while the crickets sang their sweet melody. I stopped a few feet from where he was sitting and noticed that Lara was nowhere to be found. His walking stick was lying on the wet grass. He shifted his weight and said, "Well, what do you want?"
I sat down next to him. I looked at his beautiful face and smiled. "I'm sorry about earlier," I said.
"I thought it was you. And I'm... I'm sorry too, I guess."
I sighed softly and looked at the scenery. "It's a lovely night."
"I wouldn't know," he coldly replied. I winced at his retort. I squeezed my eyes together, fighting the tears. We sat in silence for what seemed hours. Devon cleared his throat and said, "I wasn't born this way, you know. As a child I was able to see the colors of earth - the autumn brown and gold, the spring's green, the winter's white. And the pale blue sky - going on and on forever, letting you know how infinitesimally small you really are. I can vaguely see the sunset in my mind - the gorgeous pink fading through the horizon. But things got fuzzier and fuzzier. My father tried glasses of all types, but they did no good. Later, I could only make out shapes, and later, just shadows. But then it became all black. My day is night. Can you - can you imagine what it's like to have everything - to have the perfect gift, the gift of sight - and then to lose it all?"
I wiped the tears away and brushed my hand over his. "I can't imagine it, but I would trade my sight for yours. Because I know that I don't want to live my life without you. Devon," I stopped. I couldn't say it. I watched his hand slowly run itself around my waist, his fingers running up my body, brushing past my erect nipples, and down again.
"Lara was right. You are slender." I laughed. "She does tend to tease me, you see. Suddenly, we heard the geese caw and fly away. I turned around to see Mr. Mordrin staring at us.
"What are you doing here?" he angrily inquired. Devon decided to tell Mr. Mordrin exactly what we were doing there.
"Let me see. It's a nice night. I am on campus at a school and I decided to sit on a bench after my school hours, which is my right to do.. correct? So I am enjoying myself for once. What are you doing here is more appropriate. Don't you have to go home... to your family?" Mordrin just folded his arms.
"My.. My car broke down." I smirked. A Dodge Shadow. Figures. "Well where is that nigger bitch of yours?" Mordrin added.
"Ah, if only Rev. Jackson and the NAACP were here!" laughed Devon. "But that is none of my business. I'm sure the KKK runs strong in your blood." Devon got up. "I shall go to bed now. I guess I will speak to you later.... Umm, what is your name?"
"Ben." I replied, watching him walk off. Mordrin just stared at me.
"We have rules here, young man. And new or not, you are expected to obey." he said sternly.
"So when is lights out?" I asked him.
"9:30 pm. And the time is," he said dramatically, pulling out his watch, "7:38.. well, it doesn't matter! That's no excuse for your rudeness!"
"Well, I shall go to bed immediately and torment you no longer," I said, excusing myself as I went to my dorm.
Part VI.
(as told by Devon)
"Lara, Lara," I excitedly called into my computer's microphone, "You wouldn't believe it! I can barely believe it!"
"What... who..." Lara sleepily mumbled, "Who is this? Wait.. Devon?" I smiled and assured her that it was, in fact, me. "And why is your British ass calling me at home? You KNOW this is just for emergencies." I sighed softly. "Boy, what is wrong? Are you in trouble? Look... I'll be there in a few min-"
"No, Lara," I said, "It's... him." Lara gave me a concerned gasp. "No, nothing bad. I was just... I was out on the loveseat.. And he joined me."
"You interrupted my nap, which I NEED after hauling your Irish ass around all day.."
"Wait," I interrupted, "I though it was British." I started laughing happily. "You know that I am an American citizen," I happily reminded her. "Anyway, he sat next to me... and he actually spoke with me. Me, the freak. And.... we..."
"Had a conversation?"
"Well, yes. We had... a conversation." The words flowed through my mouth. I sounded like a teenage girl referring to her favorite boy band member. Pathetic.
"Damn, boy," she exclaimed, "You got it BAD! But let me cook myself some supper. You can make me vomit with detail tomorrow."
"Mordrin found us, though."
"Found you what? You doing the nasty after the FIRST day?!"
"The nasty? No, we were just conversing. But Mordrin was behind us. And he screamed at us for some reason. I gave him what-for, though."
"Devon," she said, accusingly.
"Well, go cook dinner. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you then," she said. I made an audible hmph! at her as I had the computer disconnect.
****************************************
After escaping the evil clutches of Mordrin, or "Dennis," I decided to take a walk; away from him. God, I was so stupid. I almost destroyed myself. I guess I'm a sucker for a beautiful face... And what a face! But I still was in the clouds. I almost told him that I loved him. I shook my head. Well, I might as well go to my dorm. I returned there to see a light on at the third floor. I shook my head and entered it. I walked up the stairs to be greeted by the musical sounds of squeaking bedsprings and moaning boys.
"Yes, Jamie! YES! Put it in me! Put that big dick in me," screamed Tommy. I almost fell to floor from laughing hysterically. Tommy sure was one horny guy. The bed stopped squeaking momentarily as Jamie said in a hushed tone, "Shhh! Tommy, that new kid will hear us!"
"Who, Ben? He's out exploring the place, baby.. Please.. give it to me. I need it." The squeaking soon continued. I just shook my head, opening the door to my room and closing it behind me. After about ten minutes, Tommy and Jamie had a simultaneous orgasm, accompanied with loud moaning and calling out, "Oh baby, I'm cumming." I snickered to myself. Those two were like rabbits.
I threw my books and other paraphernalia onto the floor and closed my eyes. What could it be like to be blind, to have no idea where you are going? I squeezed my eyes together tightly, shutting out all possible light, and walked forward a few steps. No problem, I thought. I confidently strode forward and almost crashed into my computer's monitor. Hmmm... this isn't easy. I opened my eyes and sat on my bed. I wearily covered my face with my hands and wondered what I had gotten myself into. Just a short while ago, I was at home, resting with my kitty. Now I was at Glenville Shaw Academy, hopelessly... was I? No, I couldn't be.. But I must be... What other word could explain this feeling? This need, this unending hunger for another? Lust? No, it was more than that. If it was just lust, I would have come to my senses. No, it was something much deeper: Love.
But I can't fall in love... No, not like this. It's not supposed to be like this. The man that I love is supposed to be perfect. Every feature exactly as I had it planned. The perfect smile, the perfect eyes. Smart, witty, strong, sensitive, sexy, faithful.. And dammit, 20/20 vision!! I massaged my temples with the frustration and madness that I was enduring. I walked over to the mirror, looking at my sad reflection.
An empty being stared back at me. I was only half. Half of a man. Without another to have me and to complete me, I was nothing. I felt so empty.. so... lonely. I had a thirst that only Devon could quench. But this was a fountain that I was forbidden to touch. And the last thing that I needed at a new school was to be shoved out of the closet. Sure, I could pull Tommy out with me, but what would that accomplish? How could causing him anguish aid me in any possible way? It seemed as though I had two possible choices: I could tell Devon that I loved him and live a life of hell and torment, or I could just stay away from him and survive. There will always be another, right? Anyway, he's an outcast as it is. Just talking to him puts me on the cliff, which will too soon break, plunging me into the depths of ostracism. As long as I don't look at him, at his gorgeous face, his beautiful hair... No. I won't. I'm going to stay alive. I'm going to survive.
No, I'm not going to be a love-sick animal ready to be stoned. I will survive!
Part VII.
(As told by Devon)
Men! I just don't get them.. even though I am one. The day started off wonderfully. I was walking on air, as they say. Lara came in earlier than usual. Luckily, I was already dressed. I could sense an air of concern in her voice as I rattled on and on about the voice.. Ben. Ben Gay.. I giggled to myself when I thought of that one. I could sense Lara just shaking her head at me. Sometimes I wonder what it'd be like to have one of those dogs. At least they don't talk back! Of course, Lara was a very good woman. She raised herself from her humble beginnings and now had the auspicious title of slave to Devon. Ha. At least, that's what she called her profession!
God, I can't believe Mordrin said that last night... unbelievable! I repeated what he said to her, and she just paused for a moment. A little later she said, "Well, he probably didn't mean it." Didn't mean it!! God damn it, how can you say something like that and NOT mean it! But she was a strong woman. She could take a lot. So after our morning "chat," we started going to our classes. It's funny now that I think of it.. How did I get back to my room last night without Lara to guide me? Strange.
Anyway, we went to my first class. I was restless through the whole thing. After that class let out, Lara and I were walking through the halls. That's the one nice thing about being a freak: people avoid you like the plague. As if my touch would take their sight!! Fools.
I was being a real pest. I kept excitedly asking her things. "It's too bad you didn't act like this is class!" she said. I felt my face grow warm. I wonder what a blush really looks like. Suddenly, a thought came to my mind. I asked her excitedly, "Is he here? Is he here?"
"Damn boy," she exclaimed, "get off me! You're like a hyena after its prey!"
"Well," I impatiently asked, "is he there or not?"
Lara was being wicked and decided to torture me. She gave me a twenty second pause and then said, "Well, I think he's over there..."
"Oh Lara, Lara.. I need to speak to him!" She started to laugh at me.
Suddenly, her tone grew serious. I felt her put her warm hands on my face, squeezing my cheeks. "Now listen boy. You are like a son to me. And I care about you. And I don't want to see your whiny British ass getting hurt."
I smiled, and I think a tear started to trickle down my cheek. "Lara, look at me. I'm a freak. No one has any interest in me at all.. except for him. He's my only chance, Lara. My only chance of ever being loved. Please, Lara. Please. Bring him over here." Tears started to freely flow down my cheek. "I'm tired of being alone, Lara. I need someone else..."
"Damn it boy, you're only sixteen!"
"..And three quarters," I corrected. "But please, Lara. No one has ever chosen to speak to me. I have a feeling that he is.." I trailed off and continued, "Please Lara. Do it for me."
"I don't know why I'm such a sucker for you damn red heads. Well.. not any red head. Just you damn blind red heads that I try to care and you just JUMP into the damn street with a car coming.."
"Lara," I said impatiently, "just get him." Lara gave an exasperated sigh as I heard her high heels click on the marble floor. Lara walked over to where Ben was. This is how she related their conversation to me:
"Ben," she stated rather than asked. He looked up at her.
"Yeah?" he asked, looking back down.
"Devon would like to talk to you. I assume you know who he is, right?"
"Yeah," he replied. "I know him. But I can't come over. I have.. class." And with that, he ran off. Lara walked over to me and said, "Well don't worry. We have to get to class anyway." I just stood there a moment and said, "I see." Then we went to class.
Later that day, I asked Lara, "Could we... eat in the dorm today?" She acquiesced, and she guided me to my room.
As we ate, I was audibly upset. She told me to spill it. I could have easily come up with some witty repartee, but I wasn't in the mood. I started weeping loudly. "Lara, I'm so tired. Tired of being rejected. Tired of being a freak. I don't even belong in a seeing man's world. I'm like an animal, you know? People pity me and pat me on the head. Good job, boy. But Lara, I'm so tired. I'm so tired of being the dog sitting by the fireplace. I mean, Jesus! What possible use could I ever be to society? I'll always be the freak in the corner of the cafeteria! The one that people stay away from, afraid that I might infect their perfect eyes. And I'm tired of people tutting at me as I pass by.."
"What the HELL is tutting," interrupted Lara.
"Oh, Americans! It's when you go like this," I said, making a tsk tsk sound with my mouth.
"I see," she said, indicating that she wanted me to continue.
"Lara," I painfully said, "Lara, why does the world hurt so much? Why is it only fair to those of noble birth? I hate being a freak! I hate being an outcast. I wish the physicians hadn't saved me. I hate being blind and I hate each coming day!" As I said this, my voice reached a crescendo. I felt Lara's warm, comforting arms surrounding my pathetic frame.
"Shh, Devon," she said, comforting me. "Listen to me. Life is not easy, I know." I continued to sob. She continued to hold me. After a bit, she made me sit down upright. I heard the chair squeak as she sat next to me. "Life is not easy at all. You think it's easy being in a white man's world? Hell no it ain't! Can you imagine what it was like going to college when I did? I was lucky to find a date in my own damn grade! And me in the same state that the Loving case... damn, the 60s sure were interesting."
"Isn't that the case were the biracial couple were banned from Virginia for 25 years?"
"Yes.. It meant a lot to me then. But listen, boy. Life is tough. And if you stick it out, you'll find it was worthwhile. You have a lot of spark, boy. A lot of it. I know you better than anyone here. And I know that you, yes you Devon, will make a difference. Blind or not. Your red hot Irish ass and your British stodginess will take you where you want and get you what you want. But you have a big heart too, honey. And I know that one day you're going to share it. But maybe that day isn't today... Or next week.. Or even next year. You got it give it time, honey. Men are pigs. And they break hearts as easily as they break out into fights. Maybe he isn't the one... He probably ain't good enough for you anyhow." She laughed, and I could feel her smile as she mussed my hair. "You listen here, boy. You got a lot of life ahead of you. Don't cut down a tree unless you're ready to drag it along behind you. Think about what you're doing. And before you can even love anyone, you have to do something very important."
"What's that?"
"You gotta love yourself," she said, holding me tight. I could feel her tears drip onto my neck. "You are so amazing, boy. You have so much strength, and you've gone so far. Don't you dare stop now or I'll have to smack you around a couple times, hear?" I could feel her smile again. "Now look what your English ass did.. you went and messed up my makeup!" She walked into my washroom and started running the water.
"He's beautiful, isn't he?"
"Who," Lara asked. She knew full well who.
"Ben." She laughed. Her voice was echoing from the walls within the washroom. She stepped out.
"I don't care if he's some damn Adonis. He still ain't good enough for you. He tries anything, I slap him.. BITCH slap him!" She started getting really sassy, imagining the confrontation. "Don't you be messing with Devon! SMACK! Down goes the bitch!" She was laughing from her gut, and so was I. Suddenly, I heard her gasp. "Damn, boy! We're late for your class! Get your blind ass in gear and go!"
Part VIII.
Those days that followed my decision were increasingly difficult. Lara had asked me to speak with Devon, but I couldn't. I simply couldn't. So I focused all of my energy on my classes. Most of them weren't overly difficult. My speech teacher was turning into a major thorn in my side, but I continued on. As the days progressed, I found Tommy to be more than I first judged. I thought he was just the friendly jock, but in fact he seemed to be actively seeking my friendship. Since I felt alone in this school, I decided to take his friendship. He and I always talked in History, and Mr. Jackles was constantly giving us the evil eye.
One particular day, I came in. Anthony, a boy who had always shown me a very angry aura since the first time we met, was not in his seat. In a normal high school, this wouldn't have been unusual. But when you have dorms right next to the classes you take, it is more of a surprise. I thought that he was merely sick. I shrugged it off and Tommy and I began our normal chatter.
Mr. Jackles came in as always with his penny loafer leather briefcase and set it on his desk. He had a smirk on his face. Uh oh, I thought. Something is definitely up. "Hello class," he said slowly and gleefully, "Today is Friday. So you'll have a whole weekend for your favorite thing: studying!" My eyebrows raised. I kept wondering what he was up to. Just then, Anthony burst into the room. His face was strained with tears. He almost ran to his seat. I turned around, looking at him with concern, but he returned my concern with the stare of death. If looks could kill!
I turned back around as Mr. Jackles said, "Welcome, Anthony! You're just in time for me to announce to the class that we're having a midterm on Monday!" The class groaned in response. "Spare me the melodrama!" I hadn't noticed it before, but Jackles was acting almost.. queeny. I'd never thought of him that way before. I then noticed that his pager beeped at him. Jackles checked it, and excused himself. The class started nervously talking about this surprise midterm. Some were very angry. I went back to Anthony's seat.
"Are you okay?"
"Leave me alone," he said, wiping tears away from his face. I stared into his eyes. Something had deeply upset him.
"Anthony.. What's wrong?"
"Mordrin.." he whispered. I didn't understand. "We have to watch out for his cane." This confused me even more so. Anthony's eyes started to water again. "I didn't want him to be the one. I wanted someone else... Someone that I cared for, at least. I just thought he wanted to help..." Mr. Jackles returned to class.
"Anthony, I'm afraid that you're going to have to go. Mr. Mordrin has an academic meeting scheduled with you." The class oohed at this. A meeting like this was normally conducted when a student was suffering from poor grades. Anthony shook his head, no. Mr. Jackles walked back to Anthony and physically pulled him up. "Look, we don't need a suspension for insubordination. Let's go to it, young man."
"No!!!!" Anthony's scream filled the classroom, killing all conversation. "He can't make me!" Mr. Jackles was turning bright red. He looked like those teapot caricatures in the cartoons as they were about to boil.
"You get out here NOW! You have a meeting and that's it! Not one more word! GO!!" I had never seen Mr. Jackles so angry. It was scary. His anger was as pure as the hate my father had for me. I shuddered at the thought.
****************************************
(as told by Devon)
Lara was right. That Ben.. whatever his name... was a real asshole. After that first day, she didn't tell me if he was in the hallways, and I didn't ask. I didn't need to be hurt anymore than I already had been. I just went about my business as if nothing else mattered. I became as I was before meeting him - secluded. The days passed one after the other, nothing new ever really happening. Lara grew increasingly overprotective of me, as if the slightest breeze would push me over. I kept telling her that I wasn't made of glass, but Lara is Lara. She won't have a word of it.
And after that strange incident of Mordrin visiting my class, he never bothered me again. That man just does not make me feel at ease at all. It's like he has some dark ulterior motive to all that he does. Oh well. I guess it's just my mind running to conclusions again.
Lara didn't mention anything that went on in the hall again for about a week. I heard her sigh that worried sigh she makes only when she is deeply concerned. I asked her what the problem was. "It's that boy again," she replied.
My ears perked up. I said it without thinking: "Ben?!"
"No," she said distractedly, "but he hangs out with him. He's been watching you with... sad eyes ... a lot recently."
I assured her, "I have absolutely no interest in anyone else other than..." With that my voice trailed off.
"Ben?" she filled in for me. I responded with silence.
****************************************
God, Mr. Jackles is such an ass! I think I said that,rather than think it, as I diligently studied for the upcoming History mid-term. All the things that were going to be on the test.. and I had missed half of them! Being the new kid sucks. But then again, it's not half as bad as being with my dad.
Before I knew it, I heard the door slam. God, they were at it again. These two were clear as clock work! Three times a week or more. Hump hump hump. Can we say INSATIABLE? Ugh! The bed was only lightly squeaking, so I ignored it. I continued to sift through my History text. But the next thing that I knew... SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK! "Ok," I said, slamming down my books and notes onto the desk in my room, "That's IT!" Fuming, I stood up and opened the door carelessly. I stomped down the hallway and ripped open the door.
Jamie was moaning loudly, his pale hind end exposed. Tommy's legs were over Jamie's shoulders. Tommy was moaning, "Oh Jamie.. yes.. Jamie..." Then I heard something that cannot be properly described. I heard a shriek so high pitched that Sarah Brightman would be put to shame. It must have been at least four octaves above middle C. Tommy was staring right into my eyes as he continued to shriek. He must have screamed for five minutes... I hate to use the word, but.. Five minutes straight.
Jamie noticed the look of utter fear in his lover's face and immediately pulled out. Tommy's legs dropped to the mattress with a loud thump. Jamie turned around to see me at the door, arms crossed. As opposed to his partner's wild reaction, he merely gasped and said, "Oh shit." Jamie grabbed the blanket that had been kicked to the bottom of the bed and pulled it over his mate and him. After continued screaming, Jamie turned to Tommy and yelled, "Shut the hell up!"
"Oh god.. please... oh... please.. Ben.. it's not what it seems!" Tommy was whimpering, and I saw tears start to streak down his face. It was difficult to stifle a laugh, but I did. "I mean... we were just.. Umm..."
"STUDYING?!" I boomed. In hindsight, I didn't mean to be so cruel. But I was very annoyed. Tommy whined something and nodded his head, yes. I rolled my eyes.
"Look, I'll do anything, Ben... Just don't tell anyone..." Tommy was going to bribe me! At this point, I couldn't take it anymore. I just started shaking, and finally burst out laughing. Tommy got very worried, and began to cry even more. "I'm begging you, man! Please!"
"Do you..." I said, regaining my composure somewhat, "think that I am STRAIGHT?" I could feel myself turning red. "Why do you think I was asking about..." Suddenly, I stopped laughing. Devon. My angel. But I couldn't...
"You're... you're gay," Tommy stated rather than ask me. It was obvious that he was shocked. Jamie just smiled and nuzzled his head against Tommy's muscular shoulder.
"Bingo," I retorted.
"Shit. Well, if you won't tell I'll let you..." Tommy said, indicating the part that only Jamie had used. Jamie saw what he was suggesting and glared at me. I giggled to myself softly.
"You don't have to do anything, Tommy!" I shook my head. Jamie visibly relaxed. "Besides, Jamie would kick my ass," I said smiling. Jamie looked at me with a goofy grin, and kissed Tommy on the shoulder. So there was more than sex for them. They really cared for each other.
I picked up Tommy and Jamie's clothes and threw the pile at them. They seemed to blush a little, realizing that they were still naked. They quickly dressed after surviving the initial embarrassment. Just as Tommy slipped on his final sock, we heard footsteps and keys jingling in the hall. The two lovebirds looked at each other in fear. A moment later, there was a loud knock on the door.
Tommy and Jamie jumped off the bed, pulled apart from each other, and moved to opposite corners of the tiny dorm. I walked up to the eyehole in the door. Before me stood a middle aged man with a pot belly. He was wearing a sky blue shirt and a stained tie. On his left breast pocket was a golden star. It read GLENVILLE SHAW ACADEMY FOR BOYS SECURITY TEAM. Oh shit, I thought to myself. I took a breath. I saw his arm reach back to knock again on the door. Before he did so, I called out, "Who is it?" My voice cracked. God. I thought I had finished all this voice changing crap. Why do you sound like a complete retard at the most inopportune of times?
"Pizza delivery," a nasal voice sarcastically replied. He paused and then said, "You've been screaming at the top of your lungs: who the hell do you think it is?" Without giving me a moment to respond, he said, "It's security! Open the door, please." I shook my head and opened the door.
Tommy and Jamie almost seemed to be cowering in the back of the room. I turned around to see a very pathetic body. He must have been 5'6" and 275 pounds of fat. His hair was pine brown, and the mustache on his face seemed to be a faux pas from the 1970s. He walked in bowlegged. Who the hell did he think he was, John Wayne? I sat on the center edge of the bed. He didn't seem to have but a few brain cells left, so I thought that I'd appease him. "What seems to be the problem, officer?" A spark went off in his eyes. Ooh, officer. That helped his ego. He thought I respected him, so he calmed down a little.
"Well boys, you need to calm down. Some guy from the next building over called a complaint about the noise."
"Who?" Tommy asked suspiciously. He had apparently found his balls again. Damn it, Tommy! You're going to get us in trouble!
"That blind freak." He answered curtly.
"He's not a freak!" I yelled. The pig-wannabe just gave me a hmph! as a response. I looked down and sighed. "Look, sir, we're sorry. We didn't mean to be so much trouble. We're just stressed out over an upcoming test.."
"Oh CRAP," exclaimed Tommy, not thinking. "I forgot about that!" The pig in training's eyes shifted from one person to the other.
"Well, some of us were studying," I continued. I tapped my fingers on my legs nervously. "Look, sir. We're really sorry to have been such a problem. We won't do it again. We'll go right back to studying and not bother you again." My eyes beamed sincerity. He just crossed his arms.
"You know the dorm rules," he finally said. Jamie looked down, soon followed by Tommy. "No loud noises, or punishment will ensue." Tommy looked at him pleadingly. "But.. I guess I can let you off this time. But if I hear any more complaints, I'll have to inform Mr. Mordrin." He looked at each one of us as he said this. That done, he shoved his hands into his side pockets and walked out the door. After he closed it, we all let out an audible sigh. Thank goodness he was gone!
****************************************
(as told by Devon)
Those damn kids! The curse of being blind, of course, is that your other senses develop beyond those of normal human capacity. I swear, sometimes I can even hear a dog whistle. And what I heard couldn't possibly have been human. Not male at least. It was so high-pitched. It was killing me. Luckily, the sound was from the next building, so it was somewhat muffled. I'd never done it before, but I called security. I felt like a weasel while doing it, too. But that's all right. It shut them up, at least.
I went back to work as I heard my door open and close. "Hello?" I called out, disinterested. It was Lara. She was whistling some tune that I can't recall as she put some bags down. She had bought something. Leave it to Lara to cheer me up when I'm grumpy.
"Good evening, Mr. Devon," she lovingly said. I could feel her smile beaming all over the room. "Jesus boy! It's cold in here!" I heard her walk over to the thermostat and adjust it.
"You know, if my daddy had the money to pay for the contruction of my own penthouse, I'd put it to good use!" I just laughed to myself slightly. Good old Lara. She always teased me about either my money or my accent. I'm originally from England, you see. My mother was Irish, accounting for my hair. And they were very well off. After my father's company went international, he decided to move his headquarters to the United States. It wasn't too long after that that the accident happened. Please don't ask... I don't like talking about it.
Anyway, after the accident, my father decided that I would be better off in a school where they could take care of me. It's not that he couldn't afford a full-time staff; I think he sent me because he didn't want to remember. The accident took mother, too, you see. I was the only survivor. So he sent me off to this school, and one of his provisions is that I have a livable dormitory. Livable for him meant a kitchen, sitting room and bedroom. He also required that I have a full-time aide. This was mandated by the state as well. So it happened, seven years ago, that I met Lara. It's funny isn't it? I've known her for so long, but I can't see her face....
"Devon," Lara said, full of worry, "What's wrong, boy?" She held me to her. I guess she could hear me weeping from the kitchen.
"Why did it have to happen to me?" The tears were slowing down. "I mean of all the people. Why me? This thing called fate... it's so cruel."
"Now now," she comforted, "It's all right. I'm going to make us some dinner. I didn't have any dates lined up tonight." She laughed to herself. "Let's eat by the pond."
And so we did.
Part IX.
Tommy, Jamie and I pretty much stuck together the day that followed my coming out. We were all a little nervous; a little unsure. We didn't know what this newfound discovery (at least it was newfound for them) would mean. I think the fact that they knew made my life a little easier. I hated to admit it, but being out to someone was a wonderful and unexplored freedom. We could look at each other and share secrets with our eyes alone. Forget a picture: the faintest smile could express thousands of words. After sharing our secret, the grass seemed greener and the sky seemed just a shade bluer. The night just wasn't as dark as it had seemed previously.
It sure felt great. At lunch, Tommy walked up to his regular table, full of jocks. Dan Vichosone looked as sinister as ever. Tommy nervously walked up to them and said, "Uh, guys... Ben and Jamie.. and me.. we're... we're going to eat outside." No one at the table did as much as bat an eye. One of them said, "Whatever." Dan looked at Jamie and I with hate in his eyes. He seemed to be digging deep holes in our chests. A moment later, I looked at Tommy. He gave Jamie and I a nod, and we walked away.
"Tommy," Jamie said softly as we walked, "that Dan... he worries me." Tommy laughed in response.
"Don't worry. That's just his way." Jamie looked at me with concern. I forced a smile on my worried face. Tommy then opened the door to the courtyard as we stepped outside.
As we walked into the courtyard, we all sighed a breath of relief. Even though we were only yards outside of the school, we felt a new air of freedom. Away from eyes constantly watching us, we could speak our minds. We could speak words that we would not have dared utter the day before. We walked over to a cherry-red table. A few yards away, we could see the green fence marking the edge of GSA; its renaissance flair giving me an uplifting feeling.
Tommy looked at Jamie and I, and then looked at the table. He nodded at us, indicating that he wanted us to sit down. We complied. Once there, Tommy smiled the second biggest smile that I have ever seen. (Only Devon could top it, but later) "Well," he nervously said, "Here we are." Jamie smiled, folded his hands, and looked at his feet.
"Yeah, here we are," I reiterated, not knowing what to say. "So, Ben..." Tommy started, but stopped. My eyes met his, urging him to continue, to break the ice. "When did you... know?" He seemed very embarrassed by his perfectly normal question.
"Honestly?" I asked.
"Honestly," he replied. "When did you first know?"
I unconsciously brushed my hair with my fingers and thought about it. When did I know? Was there ever a year? A moment when the sparks flew out? Was there really a moment when Moses came down from Mount Sinai with a tablet with the etching: YOU ARE GAY? Was there really? Not that I recall. "Well, I don't know if there was ever a moment that I didn't know. I mean, I've always been different. So I guess I could say my entire life. But that isn't entirely fair. I guess I never really thought about it. It was just always there. Not like some dark cloud hovering over me or anything... Just something that always was. Another part of me, I guess. Nothing shocking." I shrugged my shoulders. "It just... always was." I smiled to myself and looked at Tommy and Jamie. "So Tommy, fair is fair. When did you know?"
Tommy laughed quietly and sighed happily. "Well, I guess... I think it's why I joined the team.." He started laughing to himself, sharing what I suppose was a private joke. "The locker room," he said with a wink. I could see a pout forming in Jamie's lips. "Oh, it's not like that anymore," he reassured. "I, too.. I felt.. different. Different, yeah. I guess you'd call it that. But I didn't want to be like that. I fought it. I really did. My dad is Mr. Macho jock-man. So he always encouraged me to play. So I did it. If just to please him. I soon discovered that if I gave my all, in one perfect moment, I was... a god. When I scored that touchdown, everyone would scream and hollar for me. It's just such a wonderful feeling. In that moment, everything that I do wrong.. everything.. doesn't matter anymore. It no longer matters whether or not I'm stupid or smart. I am perfect in that moment. So I stayed with sports.. And I captured as many moments as I could. I found something that I'm good at. And they love me for it. But I wanted more than their admiration. I wanted them to hold me and to say they care for me. They care for me in a way that they care for no one else. So I guess... I guess it was a couple of years ago that I wanted that. And that got me to thinking. It made me realize that when I was in the shower, those glances that I gave were more than mere curiosity. I wanted to feel the others. I wanted to touch them and I wanted them to touch me back.. in places I only dreamed of. So I did.. with a few. Most of them did the ‘I'm drunk and I didn't know what I was doing.' So I moved on... But it was always, just sex, you know?" Tommy then looked at Jamie. "Jamie, you are the first one that I have cared for. Not just for sex... even though..." I interrupted Tommy. "You two have only had sex? You haven't had anything more meaningful than that?"
"It never occurred to me that... that there was more, you know?" he said.
"I bet Jamie hasn't heard you say this before to him, has he?" I looked at the two of them. Jamie was a very quiet fellow. Very smart, but very quiet. Maybe the two go together. I could see that Jamie was listening deeply to our conversation. He looked deep into Tommy's eyes. No, he was swimming in them. "You two need so much more."
"But what else is there?" Tommy asked, not moving from Jamie's face.
"Quiet evening... walks by the beach... nights just holding each other..." I rattled these and more off, wishing that I had personal experience.
"How do you know all this?" Jamie finally asked, followed by a lover's sigh.
"My heart tells me," I said. "It cries out for these things. But I can't have them," I said, fighting tears. "You two have each other, and that is great. But I am alone."
"But you don't have to be. What about..." Tommy just stopped and looked at me.
"Devon..." I think I just whispered it, but Tommy heard it. He smiled at me. Suddenly, an evil spark went off in his brain. I was too lost in the moment to notice it though, until he told me later.
"And I guess it's my turn.." Jamie began, "I never really wanted to be this way... That's why I buried my nose in books. I excelled in academia... But Tommy saved me from being too lost. He showed me how to love. But now that we've been shown, we can do so much more.." He smiled, and he seemed to be begging for a kiss.
Tommy started to lean forward, but leaned back again. He then decided to begin his plan. "I guess you're right, Ben. You're going to be single until you die. That red-haired guy is nasty anyway. He isn't anything but a freak!" A fire erupted in me. How dare he say that about my man! I'll kill him! My face must have been bright red. With a force I didn't know I had, my hand whooshed acroos the table and clenched his throat with a power I didn't know that I posessed.
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed. "Don't you EVER say that about Devon again! He is NOT a freak! He is the most..." I swore and screamed, and Jamie reacted too, screaming for help, trying to bite my hand and forcibly remove it from his lover's throat. A dark shadow covered my and ripped me away from Tommy. I saw Tommy tenderly rubbing his neck, gasping for breath. Jamie was holding him tight, crying loudly.
I turned around to see no one but my favorite, Mr. Dennis Mordrin. He seemed furious. "How DARE you start a fight in MY cafeteria?! Come down to my office IMMEDIATELY!" he screamed. I looked at him with fear in my eyes. He was mad. "No tears, no excuses. Go there NOW!" With that, he turned and walked off, his cane clicking with every other footstep.
"Ben.." Tommy gasped, "I'm s-" I didn't want to hear the rest of it. I jumped up from the table and ran to Mordrin's office, crying.
****************************************
(Tommy experienced this, but told me what happened later)
Tommy was in Jamie's room. Jamie was on his computer surfing the internet. Tommy was still shocked that I had attempting to choke him to death, but otherwise fine. His years of athletic training had made him endure much more that a 25 pound weakling's attempt at murder. (Those are his words, not mine. We all know that I weigh more than that!) "Don't worry about it, Jamie. I'm fine."
Jamie made no response, so Tommy just shrugged and cleaned up after his man. God, he was a pig. Bed sheets were everywhere. Books and papers lay scattered on the floor. And they hadn't even screwed in his room, either! It was kind of Mordrin to give them the day off, thought Tommy. Suddenly, Jamie gasped in surprise.
"What's wrong, babe?" Tommy asked nonchalantly. Jamie just pointed to his computer monitor. "Ok.." Tommy looked at the monitor, but was confused. "It's just a state police listing... looks like photos of parole violators. Not all have photos, though."
Tommy then watched Jamie click on a hyperlink for "Child Molestors." The computer made a happy click in response. An hourglass appeared, and moments later, a new screen appeared. Photos of known child molestors that had broken parole started to appear. They waited a few moments. Jamie scrolled to the bottom of the page, and a somewhat familiar face showed up. "Oh my god!" yelled Jamie. "That's... that's...."
****************************************
Dennis Mordrin locked the door after his initial "talk" with me. "Now Ben," his old pudgy lips began, "You know the rules as well as I. Fights are strictly prohibited. I'm afraid that I will have to expell you. I guess I should give your father a call," he said softly, slowly picking up the telephone receiver.
"No," I pleaded, tears coming to my eyes. "Please... don't call him. I beg of you. Show me some mercy. Please." Dennis put down the telephone.
"Well, I guess we can make some allowances." Dennis put his hands on either side of the black leather chair that he had been sitting in and pushed himself up. "First, we should seal the deal.." he said, almost to himself, as he walked over to another side of his office. I noticed that in the far corner, his cane was propped against the wall. A smile curled up on his pudgy lips. I didn't have a very good feeling about this.
"If you want to stay at this school, you will have to take on certain duties. If all goes well, you may well be elected as a future teacher. Anyway, let's begin the ceremony." He walked over to his cane, and started to open it, but decided against it. "No," he said, "that will have to wait until later." He closed his cane and it shut with a click. He walked back over to me.
"Well.. Ben it is, yes? Ben, you must go back to class now. Mr. Jackles tells me that you have an upcoming mid-term.. And if you hurry, you'll only be twenty minutes late. Here, let me write you a pass."
As I exited Mr. Mordrin's office, I could immediately smell the clean air. I hadn't noticed it before with all of my nervousness, but Mr. Mordrin's office had a very peculiar odor to it... an almost leather smell. I shook my head, and exited the school's main office door. Waiting in finely finished redwood chairs were Tommy and Jamie. They both looked up at me. Tommy jumped up and gave me a huge hug.
I didn't understand. Why would he do this when I had nearly killed him? Just twenty-five minutes ago or so, I had choked the life out of him, and now he was acting like we were blood brothers. What gives? I looked into his eyes, unsure of his motives. Then I looked at Jamie, who was silently sitting there, observing. "I'm sorry, man," Tommy said, on the verge of tears. "I didn't know that Mordrin was going to be there." I broke the hug and looked at Tommy straight (well, I can never do anything straight.. so I looked forward) in the eye.
"What are you talking about? My friend, I almost killed you. And this is somehow okay with you?!" I just didn't understand. Tommy just smiled, embarrassed.
"I guess I've known for a while that you had a thing for that blind.. I mean, Devon. I just wanted to push your buttons. I wanted to see if you'd react. And hell, did you react!" He laughed and smiled. "Anyway, while you were gone, we..."
"Well, first we found that.." Jamie interrupted.
"That's just a coincidence. But we found Devon's e-mail address... so we.." Tommy looked at Jamie for support.
The two of them moved next to each other, hands around each other and said, "We told him." My face must have turned bright white. And I thought that this was going to be a good day! Shit. Now I'm going to die.
Just then, Mr. Mordrin popped his head into the hallway. "I thought I told you to go to class," he barked at me. Then he noticed my two compadres. "You two... all three of you to class at once!" He wrote all of us passes to class, so off we went.
****************************************
(As told by Devon)
As I had the computer reread the message to me, I was dumbstruck. It couldn't be. It just couldn't. I held my hand to Lara's, unsure. "What should I do?" I whispered it, the breath barely escaping my body. I felt her warm hands massaging my back.
"I don't know," she replied. I could tell that she was in as much shock as I. "I mean, I've heard of playing hard to get, but damn. This is ridiculous. I just don't know. I'd say keep away from him. He probably ain't Irish, anyway." I could sense a faint smile escape her lips, even though I'd never even seen them.
"I don't think that I can keep up the charade much longer, Lara." I said.
"I want this to be real. I want him... to want me."
"I know, baby," Lara said, gently massaging my back. After comforting me, Lara went off to other things. While she was away, I replied to the e-mail.
Thank you for writing to me. However, I'm a little unsure as to the validity of your claims. Please meet me tomorrow in the lunch room to let me know that what you want it genuine and as passionate as I hope it is. I hope to see you there.
Sincerely,
Devon.
I quickly sent the e-mail as I heard Lara approaching me. I don't think she saw it. Tomorrow would be the day. Tomorrow would truly prove if love conquers all. Tomorrow I would see whether love can jump the pains and arrows of outrageous fortune or leave me in utter dispair.
Part X.
I couldn't believe it. He had to be kidding. "You're not serious," I half-asked, half-said into the phone. "But he couldn't possibly..." Tommy continued to talk into the phone. My god. He wanted to see me... Ok, not SEE me, since he's blind.. but he wanted to talk to me, to be with me.
I fell onto my bed and exhaled a lover's sigh. This was too perfect. Too wonderful and perfect. I smiled and glanced at the clock by my bed. OH SHIT, I almost exclaimed to myself. It was almost time for English. I got up and jumped into the shower. I quickly cleaned myself, combed my hair, and rushed to class.
English passed uneventfully. As I was in the halls after English, trying to pass through the Red Sea, I heard loud laughter. Man, I wish I was Moses in times like this. Just lift up my arms and WHOOSH.. everyone gets out of my way. Wishful thinking. I turned and saw Dan. He stared at me, daggers coming out of his eyes. "What do you want, faggot?" he coldly called to me. My face turned white. He had found out.. How had he found out? Well, it didn't matter anymore... I just had to escape. I turned and started to walk away, but his cold, overly muscular hand shot out and grabbed me. "No you don't." He pulled me into a dark corner. I thought he was going to kill me.
He threw me on the floor. I fell like a rag doll. I was as frightened as a deer facing oncoming headlights. This was the end.. This was my final day... "Why," he started, grabbing my shirt right by my shoulders and pulling me up, "did you take him from me?! We were so close! It almost happened, but then in you trot.. Your little faggotty ass... Thinking that you're all fucking that! He was to be mine!" He screamed the last sentence and exhaled his breath heavily. Yuck. I could smell alcohol on his breath.
"You bastard!" he continued, his eyes swelling with anger and hate. "You and that little fuck, Jamie! You're lucky you're still alive." He was breathing heavily. I saw beads of sweat developing around his brow and lower neck. "You bastard... I hate all faggots." He raised one arm as if to punch me. I squeezed my eyes shut as his blow hit me. He hit my stomach with full force. It was as if a cannon ball had been shot at me. Tears were developing in my eyes.
"But Dan," I managed to say between coughing and gasping for breath, "you're a faggot... too."
"I'll fucking kill you, man!" he screamed, his testosterone hitting a horrific high. "I'll rip your balls off!" His teeth were clenched together and his lips were raised. Even in this terrible moment, I thought to myself, And people find football players ATTRACTIVE? "I know you're a faggot," he continued, "and if you so much as touch my Tommy... I'll fucking kill you! You've taken him from me. It's all your fault." Tears of frustration dripped from the corners of his eyes.
Then he let out an inhuman scream. He grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me up with all of his strength and roughly pushed me into a wall. We were out of the corner now. Maybe someone could see us and help me..
My limp body bounced into the wall as he punched me again. "I'll kill that blind little fuck, too!" he screamed, preparing to punch me again. This time however, my eyes raged with fire. He wasn't going to touch Devon. That bastard! I lifted my leg and kneed him in the groin with every ounce of power that I had in me. Dan screamed in pain, holding his wounded crotch. He knelt on the ground in pain, his head lowered.
"You won't touch Devon, you piece of shit!" I screamed, jumping on him, with a power that I didn't know that I possessed. I bent my arm and lifted it to the left, slamming my elbow on his shocked face. "Nobody, not even you is going to touch him! You understand?!" I screamed. Was this really me? "And for your information, Tommy has no interest in you! He only wants Jamie. He wants someone with a heart as big as his... Not some piece of shit like you!" With that, I spat on Dan's head in disgust.
Dan then began to cry. I was amazed that a guy that heartless could. "I'm not.. gay," he said in between tears. "I'm not a fucking fruit. I'm a man, just like my dad. And Tommy isn't a cocksucker either." He looked up at me with reddened eyes. "You're just making this up," he told himself. "You gaddamm queer!" he screamed, and grabbed my throat. I shook in fear, rather than pain. Suddenly, I heard running footsteps and loud yelling.
"Get off of him!" a voice screamed. Dan's hands were yanked from my throat. I looked up to see a short teacher with horn-rimmed glasses staring at me. I looked over at Dan, who was apparently held at bay by the teacher's foot. The teacher looked over to Dan. "Now Dan, you know the rules. Mr. Mordrin wouldn't appreciate that. But I saw him start the fight." The teacher's eyes shifted as he said the lie. "Now go to your room and freshen up." Dan gave a half-smile and walked off. "I believe you have an appointment with Mr. Mordrin," he said, indicating that I should leave.
I walked off, in a daze.
****************************************
(As told by Devon)
I was getting impatient. I called over to Lara, and had her bend down so that I could whisper into her ear. "How much longer?" I impatiently asked her.
I could feel her smiling as she softly laughed and whispered back, "Now calm down, honey. It's going to be ok. You have about an hour left until lunchtime." She patted me kindly on the back and walked away.
I impatiently waited for the hour to pass, and it finally did. As Lara guided me to the cafeteria, I heard a concerned voice call out, "Tommy! He's over here!" I didn't really take much notice of it, as thousands of other conversations were being held at the same time.
Lara suddenly said, "It's that boy again..." I almost asked her if she meant my one and only, but I was almost immediately answered by another's voice.
"Hi, Devon," he briskly said. He seemed worried. Buy why? "Have you seen Ben?" I could hear his footsteps and another's beside him.
"Whoever you are," I answered, "I haven't seen anyone for years. And no, I have yet to speak with... Ben." I paused before saying that perfect name. It certainly deserved reverence.
"That's odd," he said, a bit too concerned. "I haven't seen him all day."
I paused for a moment, becoming worried. "So why did you ask me?" I curiously asked. What did this person want?
"I'm sorry," he responded. "My name's Tommy, and this is my boy... This is my friend, Jamie. We're the ones that e-mailed you."
I stopped dead in my tracks, which could have caused a minor collision of bodies; bodies that were brainlessly swarming into the cafeteria. I began to get upset. I hid it well, though. I think. "You mean... it was just a TRICK?!" I exclaimed in half-pain, half-anger. "You set me up as a fool?! Not that it matters anymore... Not that anything matters."
"Hey, slow down there, bud. We just said the words that he was afraid to say. He helped us, we helped him. Anyway, he's got it for you... bad." I calmed down a bit. We continued to the cafeteria and decided to wait for him. So we waited. And waited. Minutes felt like hours.
"Something's wrong," I said. "He's not coming. Something is very wrong." I heard footsteps approach the table that we were at.
"Damn, boy!" Lara exclaimed to our visitor, "Looks like someone gave you a major whooping!" The visitor ignored her, but took a seat. Tommy later told me that the visitor sat backwards in his chair.
"Hey, fags." the voice coldly said. Jamie and Tommy seemed to gasp simultaneously.
"Listen football boy," Lara threateningly hissed, "I am going to get you and your dumb ass kicked out of here so fast you won't know what hit you! Forget Rosa Parks! I got more will than a damn Italian!" Lara was full of rage. She could be so overprotective.. and I loved her for it.
"Shut up bitch, or I'll let the whole school know what side of the bed your friends here sleep on!" Lara muttered in response. "Now Tommy, you and I are gonna get close. Real close. And you'll dump the math nerd." Jamie seemed to be holding back his anger, breathing deeply. "From now on you're going to do what I want, when I want.. or the whole school is going to find out your little secret!"
"You wouldn't," Tommy almost emotionlessly said. "Because you'd expose yourself." The visitor paused to think about that point. "What did you do with Ben, you little fuck? The school may not know my sexual preference, but they'll soon see my violent side if you don't tell me. I swear to god, I'll pound every grin off of your asshole face!"
"Probably expelled!" he gleefully replied. But how could this be! Impossible! Not my Ben! "He was caught, attacking an important athletic star!" With that, the stranger laughed to himself. "But I promised to finish my troubles to Ben.. so I shall!" With that, I heard a distinctive swoosh. "I'll rip your guts out, you blind fuck!" he screamed.
"Oh my god! He's got a knife!" screamed Jamie. I heard Jamie jump out of his seat and pull Tommy with him, protecting his love.
However, before Jamie had even escaped his chair, I heard a louder metallic click. I heard Lara jump out of her seat and the visitor gasp in shock. "Put that down, you little fuck! Don't make me do it! I'm authorized to protect this boy no matter what. How much of a chance do you stand against a skilled marksman?" I'd never heard or perceived Lara like this...
The knife fell to the floor with a soft ping. The visitor fell out of his chair and pulled himself backwards, sliding on his butt, away from Lara. I heard Lara, the general, call out to us: "Let's book!" She helped me up, and we ran. We ran like the wind.
It's moments like that that I wish I could see more than ever... Just to see the disbelief in his face... the unwanted visitor's face.
****************************
So this is what Devon's life is like... completely black. I hung there, the red marks on my back swelling... I heard a wheezing breath in the corner... or was it a corner? Wherever I was, it was damp. I heard water droplets plop onto the ground every so often. "I... tried... to warn you," Anthony managed to say. "Escape... before.... it's too late."
I tried to focus.. How did it go? I started singing the beautiful melody...
There is a candle in ev'ry soul
Some brightly burning, some dark and cold.
There is a spirit, who brings a fire
Ignites a candle and makes his home...So carry your candle into the darkness
Seek out the hopeless, confused and torn.
Hold out your candle for all to see it
Take your candle and go light your world,
Take your candle and go light your world...
****************************
(As told by Devon)
They were excited about something. Other than our previous incident, that is. I had just found out that my father had personally hired Lara, and saw to it that I was kept alive. But why? He hated me, didn't he? Then it dawned on me... I was all that he had left.
"Oh my god." Lara kept repeating.
"I told you.." either Tommy or Jamie said.. I wasn't really listening that closely. I still couldn't believe it... Lara was a hired bodyguard!
"So that bastard is wanted... I've been a little wary of him for a while."
"What are you talking about?" I asked, suddenly interested.
"We don't think your boyfriend has been expeled, dear." Lara said. I was confused. This was so contradictory. He wasn't my boyfriend... was he? "Damn it's late.." Lara added. "Oh, screw it. This is more important." Lara was speaking very quickly. Something was really upsetting her, but I didn't know what. "Where's the damn phone?" I heard her dialing some numbers, and walked away from me. She didn't want me to hear something.
****************************
(I didn't experence this, but it was related to me at a later time)
Anthony was almost shoved into class. He looked terrible, like someone has just beaten him within an inch of his life. He was wheezing for some reason. Mr. Jackles turned and looked at him. His face was red with fury. "Welcome back! And here is your test.. oh look.. FORTY-SEVEN PERCENT!" Mr. Jackles punched his hand across his desk, forcing his penny loafer briefcase to go flying, papers flying everywhere.
He moved over to where Anthony was, standing in shock. "Where are your friends, you little shit?! They're missing the fun!" He ran over to Anthony like a mad bull, and physically pulled him up and propped him on his desk. "Where are they? Are they little faggots too?" He placed both hands on Anthony's shoulders and forced Anthony to lay on his desk.
"I hate faggots!" he screamed. With that, he pulled a belt out from his pants and cracked it against Anthony's face. Though worn out, he screamed.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP!!!!!!"
"Shut the fuck up!" screamed Mr. Jackles, insanely enraged. The class just sat and watched in shocked silence. Too scared to move. Too scared to breathe. "Do you LIKE being his fuck toy, bitch? DO YOU?!" He cracked the belt again. "Maybe you'll be my assistant one day.. You'll move up the ranks like I did. You want to turn out like me? Do you like being his slave?" Another crack. Anthony was able to swerve and miss it.. barely. "You like to wriggle, don't you, you little whore! All of you little sluts... you FAGGOTS!" Anthony was crying in pain.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP, I SAID!" Another crack. "Can't even spell goddamm Roman Pax right!" Crack. "You're a goddamm queer fucking failure!" But there was some spark left in Anthony's eyes all of a sudden. He looked up at Mr. Jackles and spat in his face. "I'll fucking kill you!" screamed Mr. Jackles.
"Do it!" he managed to bark back. "Not like it will make any difference. I'm already dead. He took my soul."
****************************
He had taken me out of the cellar and into his office. He loked the door. He removed my blindfold but had covered my mouth with tape. My hands were tightly tied to the chair, and my legs were cuffed to the floor. Why hadn't I seen this before?
"This behavior is unacceptable, Mr. Dowling," he coldly said. He was so used to having the power. He laughed softly, saying, "Your blind friend is probably dead now. I saw that boy you were fighting with. He was on the breaking point.. and he now has a nice switchblade. You won't be seeing either of them around. And since I had no control over it..." He stopped and looked at me. I was staring away mindlessly.
"We made an agreement, Mr. Dowling, and now it's time to pay up. And you have been initiated.. you did fairly well. Now its time for the final seal." He unzipped his pants and let them drop to the floor. He ran his dirty hands through my hair and whispered into my ear, "You are mine now." A single tear formed at the corner of my left eye.
Part XI.
(I didn't experience this, but it was later related to me.)
Mr. Jackle's heartless beating on Anthony didn't seem to relent. Anthony's nose was bleeding heavily, along with his lip. He had bruises up and down his arm. Mr. Jackles paused for a moment, bent his head down, sobbing. "You... all of you... you made me into a fucking faggot." He then raised his head and looked at Anthony with rage in his eyes. "And you're all going to pay for it! All of you!!" He looked around the room at the paralyzed bodies. "God damn FAGGOTS!"
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(As told by Devon)
What was happening? One moment Lara was on the phone, and the next, she grabbed my arm and we were running. Where, I wasn't quite sure. But we were running. (God, I feel like Forrest Gump. Of course, I don't even know what Tom Hanks looks like..) "Lara.." I said panting, "what.. what is happening?" I then noticed that they were all panting... What was going on?!
"Devon honey, we've no time to explain. Gotta stop it before it's too late..." I heard a mechanical click and a strange voice on some sort of radio. It seemed to come from Lara's direction. Lara pressed on what seemed to be a button and said, "We're almost there. Quiet entrance, very nonchalant. Yes, I'm sure that this is the suspect you're looking for. There are no others that I know of, but I can't be positive. Agent 582F out." Of course! Lara was on a two-way radio. Buy why? Still more questions...
****************************
So there I was. Let me die now, I thought. Let it end. No more pain. I can't take any more. Oh please... kill me now...
Mordrin had stepped out momentarily to change. He had removed all of my clothes except for my boxers. I had never felt so filthy in my entire life. I shivered in disgust. Just then, a door shut. I looked up as Mordrin returned. A memory flashed in my mind... "Call me Dennis" How could I have been so blind? Why didn't I see this coming? He stepped up to me. Man, was he ugly. He had put on a leather dominator's suit. Maybe leather isn't the right word... it was almost latex. Upon reflection, his sick armor was not unlike that of Catwoman in Batman Returns.
"I am going to remove your next article.. this nice little gauze in your mouth. Before I do, you must not say a word. If you do, I will become angry. You don't want me angry. Do you agree?" I nodded my head in agreement. Anything to get me the hell out of here. If you're going to kill me, just do it already. He removed the gauze and then said, "Now you're going to open your mouth, and you leave it open until I am properly satisfied." I gasped in fear.
Mr. Mordrin turned away from me, and I heard three loud, consecutive popping sounds.He turned around and pressed something into my nose. He growled, "Inhale these, or I'll get mad." I gasped, which led to his desired effect. About fifteen seconds later, I had the worst headache of my entire life. I was swimming in a sea of dizziness. The room floated around in circles. I heard him unzip something. Then I felt something in my mouth. I didn't know what was happening. I shut my eyes to block out the horrid throbbing in my head and the constant spinning I felt.
Mr. Mordrin seemed to be grunting again. "Those poppers are great, aren't they bitch?" I just squeezed my eyes together. Get this over with.. kill me.
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(I didn't experience this, but it was later related to me.)
Anthony was ready to die. Anything to end this torment. Mr. Jackles was still screaming after all this time. You would think he would run out of energy. But a lifetime's amount of pent-up anger and frustration can really get one's adrenaline flowing, I suppose. Anthony looked up and saw that he was about to get his wish. Mr. Jackles was pulling a switchblade out of his pocket. "Now I'm going to fucki